Grandma Vee

2011 is turning out to be quite the year.  

My grandma, who has been battling cancer for awhile now is not doing so great.  The doctors say she has maybe a few weeks left to live.  A few months if we are lucky.  This deeply saddens my heart, as I am really close to my grandma.  I went to visit her at the hospital on Sunday, and she wasn't herself.  I know she is in so much pain, so of course it will be a joyous time when she can pass and no longer be in that pain.  But selfish me, wants her to continue to live for a little while longer.  I feel like I am not ready to say goodbye.  But, that moment will come, and unfortunately it will come too soon.  But I know that she will be going to a better place.  She will also be reunited with her husband, who passed so long ago.  I know that she is ready.  I am trying to prepare myself, but it is difficult.  I couldn't help but tear up last night as I went to bed as I was thinking about how little time she has left on this earth.  This will be a difficult time for me, it is a difficult time.  BUT, I know I will pass through it. 

Friends and family, if you are out there, I need you right now.  I hardly ever reach out for help.  Because I pretend that I'm strong enough to do it all on my own.  So this is my trying to reach out.  I need your prayers, and your strength.  I need a hand to hold and a listening ear. 

The reason I wanted to write about my grandma was to share some of the great things about her.  My grandma is a character.  She is fun and sassy.  She is a strong, independent woman, whom I deeply admire.  She has always been there for me, whether I liked it or not.  She has been strong in the faith and has faithfully fulfilled her church callings.  Whether it was Relief Society President, or Ward Librarian.  She loved to garden.  She loves flowers and always brought me the most beautiful bouquets to every dance performance of mine.  She loves going to garage sales and thrift stores.  She served a mission in the Family History Center in Salt Lake City.  I faithfully wrote her every week.  She helped drive my dance carpool.  She would pick me up from school when someone else couldn't.  She supported me in EVERY endeavor.  She was at every dance show, band concert, graduation, parade, church talk etc.  You name it, she was there.  She would cook for me (with REAL butter!).  She knew my favorite meals.  She loved to knit and would make bags and bags of beanies for the little newborns at the hospital.  She was a good poker player! (using chips of course) She listened and then listened some more.  She told me how much she loved me and how great she thought I was.  She got to be there during my first time through the Temple.  She gave the best dating advice.  Her saying was "Stomp your feet, shake your curls, and go out with his best friend."  I will never forget that!  She was a shoulder to cry on.  Sometimes she got annoying.  But I knew it was because she cared so much.  Now that she is close to being gone, I am sad that I ever thought that.  She was MY number one cheerleader.  I love her so very much.  I know she'll be cheering me on from heaven.  She has taught me so much and unconditionally loved me.  She has been such a great example to me. 

I hope to become a woman just like her. 

Grandma, I love you.  

xoxo

Ashley