Auditioning is a lot like dating...

Ok I have thought a lot about this.  Two things that are a big part of my life currently...

Auditioning and Dating.

Two things that I don't particularly LIKE doing.  But MUST do in order to live my life. 

Every time I go to an audition, I feel like I am stepping into "A Chorus Line"

It's like the opening number over and over again.

"God, I hope I get it."

It's the same thing every time...head shot, resume, filled out application, throw on your character heels, dance your heart out, wait, sing your heart out, wait some more, to just find out that they don't want to see you again.

Sound familiar?  For those of you in the biz...this might.  It's all "part" of this business.  I really detest it.  But hey, it has to be done right?

This very art of auditioning is a lot like dating.

(actually I'm thinking about just handing out my head shot and resume at church...then we can just bypass all the awkwardness and disinterest)

No but seriously, how often is it that we go on a date and "hope" that it works out...For me, always.  I mean if I didn't think that, then what am I doing on the date?!  I was discussing this very topic at a recent audition.  That is, how we go into an audition trying NOT to care, because the chances of us actually getting it are slim.  But I mean if I didn't care, I wouldn't go to the audition.  I always care and I always HOPE.

Same for dating...I always hope that something will work out.  I hope he'll call.  I hope he likes me.  I hope I look ok.  I hope he is a nice guy.  I hope I get to see him again.  I hope, I hope, I hope. 

Thoughts during an audition....

*(I HOPE I GET THIS DANG SHOW!!!)*

If I didn't care or hope SO much.  I'd stay at home, watching lifetime and eating cookies.  But clearly that will not get me ANYWHERE.

All I can do is my best.  Be MY best.  The right show and the right guy will come along at the right time.

This last audition taught me...sometimes no matter how good or even bad you are...you are just not what they are looking for.  It has nothing to do with YOU.  This has truth in the audition world and the dating world.

 

So, what's a girl to do?

Keep auditioning and keep dating.  The more you do it, the easier it gets.  I really believe if more people just dated, well....you know.

Just cause you go to an audition, doesn't mean you'll get the show.  Just cause you go on a date, doesn't mean your gonna marry that person.

Get over it.  It's just a date.  It's just an audition.

So, I will continue on.  Dating and auditioning. 

Bring. It. On.

xoxo

Ash

P.S.  I have a new found inspiration...Elle Woods holds a special place in my heart.  Always.  BUT, I think Galinda is going to be inspiring me for the next while  =)

"Magic Wands, need they have a point?"

Grandma Vee

2011 is turning out to be quite the year.  

My grandma, who has been battling cancer for awhile now is not doing so great.  The doctors say she has maybe a few weeks left to live.  A few months if we are lucky.  This deeply saddens my heart, as I am really close to my grandma.  I went to visit her at the hospital on Sunday, and she wasn't herself.  I know she is in so much pain, so of course it will be a joyous time when she can pass and no longer be in that pain.  But selfish me, wants her to continue to live for a little while longer.  I feel like I am not ready to say goodbye.  But, that moment will come, and unfortunately it will come too soon.  But I know that she will be going to a better place.  She will also be reunited with her husband, who passed so long ago.  I know that she is ready.  I am trying to prepare myself, but it is difficult.  I couldn't help but tear up last night as I went to bed as I was thinking about how little time she has left on this earth.  This will be a difficult time for me, it is a difficult time.  BUT, I know I will pass through it. 

Friends and family, if you are out there, I need you right now.  I hardly ever reach out for help.  Because I pretend that I'm strong enough to do it all on my own.  So this is my trying to reach out.  I need your prayers, and your strength.  I need a hand to hold and a listening ear. 

The reason I wanted to write about my grandma was to share some of the great things about her.  My grandma is a character.  She is fun and sassy.  She is a strong, independent woman, whom I deeply admire.  She has always been there for me, whether I liked it or not.  She has been strong in the faith and has faithfully fulfilled her church callings.  Whether it was Relief Society President, or Ward Librarian.  She loved to garden.  She loves flowers and always brought me the most beautiful bouquets to every dance performance of mine.  She loves going to garage sales and thrift stores.  She served a mission in the Family History Center in Salt Lake City.  I faithfully wrote her every week.  She helped drive my dance carpool.  She would pick me up from school when someone else couldn't.  She supported me in EVERY endeavor.  She was at every dance show, band concert, graduation, parade, church talk etc.  You name it, she was there.  She would cook for me (with REAL butter!).  She knew my favorite meals.  She loved to knit and would make bags and bags of beanies for the little newborns at the hospital.  She was a good poker player! (using chips of course) She listened and then listened some more.  She told me how much she loved me and how great she thought I was.  She got to be there during my first time through the Temple.  She gave the best dating advice.  Her saying was "Stomp your feet, shake your curls, and go out with his best friend."  I will never forget that!  She was a shoulder to cry on.  Sometimes she got annoying.  But I knew it was because she cared so much.  Now that she is close to being gone, I am sad that I ever thought that.  She was MY number one cheerleader.  I love her so very much.  I know she'll be cheering me on from heaven.  She has taught me so much and unconditionally loved me.  She has been such a great example to me. 

I hope to become a woman just like her. 

Grandma, I love you.  

xoxo

Ashley

Summer are you here yet?

This weekend in Utah was just what I needed.  I am so excited to be a BC this year for EFY.  We get to go to so many awesome places around California PLUS a week in SLC and Hawaii.  I love the other people on the team and I just think it is gonna be the best summer EVER.  Even though I am totally wiped after this weekend, I feel so uplifted.  It is such a pleasure to be in the presence of so many wonderful people and feel their spirits.  It is refreshing to be with people that just "get me" after about one conversation.  

I love EFY counselors.  Best people EVER.

We talked a lot about ministry, which was very interesting and enlightening.  It made me realize that there is so much to be done in terms of service.  We have so much to offer and to give.  Our focus should not be on ourselves, but on others.  I know that we can find true happiness by following this simple principle!   I am excited to start preparing NOW and to be able to give all that I can to these youth.  I feel so blessed to have this opportunity.

Not only was training fun, but my weekend in general...a BLAST.  I got to stay with my Aunt Bonnie who I love and adore.  I just love having girl talk with her and get her advice.  She is one funny, smart and sassy lady.  And I just adore her for that.  I love her advice to me and I just really look up to her so much!  I also got to see my girl Shellie...we did a little shopping! LOVE.  Lastly, I saw my girls Jen and Em.  My soul sisters.  I love these girls more than anything.  They get me in a way that most people don't.  Love you ladies!!

And always some interesting and funny things happened..

 

My rental car...a CUBE.  But hey...the guy gave me a free gas tank because I work for the church!

I also got stopped by airport security at the bag check in SLC on my way home.  They asked me if I had any sharp objects or weapons...then they proceeded to take me aside and open my suitcase.  They found...my makeup, contact solution, body spray, moisturizer, toner, AND my scriptures (which they opened...).  They then had to re-scan everything.  And had to "test" my contact solution because apparently you can make a bomb with contact solution.  Never would have thought. 

But really...do I look like a terrorist?  I mean I was just wearing my blue Juicy sweatsuit, had a flower in my hair and was carrying scriptures...how threatening is that?!  LOL.  Good times...good times.

Oh and...I noticed lots of cuties at BYU and sat their wondering...why did I never go to this school?  Hmmmm seems to be thousands of more opportunities....But then maybe I would have been a 19 year old getting married and have 3 kids already.  No thanks. I like the way my life has played out so far.  Everything has happened for a reason...

I was in desperate need of a DC (Diet Coke)...so I pull up to the nearest McD's and find that a Large DC was only $1.08.  Now that is a reason to move to Utah.

My summer is gonna be awesome.  About 3 months and counting...

Love to all

Ashley

Thoughts...

Wow.  I can't believe we are already to March.  I want to know where the time has gone!  I haven't blogged in awhile, so I felt like I needed to.  I feel like I have so much to write, but how do I condense all my thoughts?  I'll do my best, but it might sound like rambling. :)

The last month has been great.  I won't lie.  It was fabulous.  Even with its challenges, it was great.  I am excited for the summer.  Awesome things are happening.  I went on some dates.  A good friend of mine came home.  I've made some new friends.  I'm learning to sing in Italian.  I got to teach Relief Society.  I have had new opportunities at work.  I made my first red velvet cake.  I've spent some quality time with my grandma.  I've been choreographing for the dance concert.  I've been shopping.  Learned how to use a crock pot.  Exciting things are happening.

Something that has been on my mind is hope.  We have been talking a lot about it at church recently.  It was just what I needed to hear.  I'll be honest.  Sometimes I feel hopeless.  These days, I feel that more often than not.  I think we all do at some point in our lives.  I think it is in that moment that we need to keep enduring the most.  I have this tendency to want to give up, throw in the towel and just quit.  Even though I have all these great things happening in my life, I still feel like there is something missing.  Those that know me well probably know what I'm talking about.  The great thing is, hope is there.  As much as I need to have faith, I need to have hope also.  There is something so powerful about hope.  I sure do hope for a lot of things.  Though, I try not to get my "hopes" up.  I am so grateful for the power of hope.  It is truly what gets me through each day.  I don't want to feel like something is missing.  I love my life just the way it is.  But I do hope for a wonderful future filled with optimism.  

One more thing:

I've had some ups and downs with my mom.  Some people out there might know.  It has been hard.  Actually it has been one of the toughest things I've been through.  I've spent countless nights in tears.  I feel like I'll never be good enough for her.  I try so hard.  I do my very best.  I know it must be hard for her too.  But, she is still my mother.  No matter what she does, I still love her.  Mom, if you are out there...I miss you.  I love you very much.  I miss our family.  I hope that one day soon we can all be together.  

Sorry if this is too much or too personal.  Not like I have that many readers out there....I always try to stay on positive subjects.  Because, life is too short to stay down in the dumps.  No need to worry though, because I am fine :).  I always am and I always will be.  My grandma always tells me if I'm feeling blue to go out and do something nice for someone else.  She is right.  We all have our own woes.  But helping someone else will truly put our woes into perspective. 

My grandma rocks.  I love her.

Be hopeful.  Life is too short to not look on the bright side :)

xoxo

Ashley