So I went to an audition last night.
I totally failed. I let my head get to me, got completely intimidated and just failed. I am not sad about not getting the show, I am just frustrated with ME because I did not do my best. I know I am a good dancer and I KNOW that I can do this. I just wish I could believe in myself more, like how everyone else does BUT me.
As I was leaving I felt embarrassed and dumb for even trying. I was thinking-maybe I should get a new dream? Maybe my mother was right when she told me I had a better chance of winning the lottery than EVER becoming a professional dancer.
Have I set my dreams too high?
I once dated a guy that told me I was too ambitious. Perhaps this is true? Maybe this is why I'm still single...
As I got home last night I was rerunning the audition in my head, thinking about everything I COULD have done to make it better. The fact is I cannot go back. I need to move on. After a big piece of pumpkin pie, a chat with my roommate and some texts from my mentor, I realized that I am NOT going to give up. I know that I have talent-people have told me so and darn it I am going to TRY and believe them! I want this SO bad that I am not going to give up just because I've heard NO a few times. I am sure that some of the best performers have heard NO plenty of times. If they gave up after the 3rd time of hearing that, they would have NEVER made it to where they are today.
Talking with my Dad today, he told me to let it go and keep going. He said that every experience will build my character and make me stronger. I compared this audition process to dating. If we just gave up after being rejected once, we would never get married. So just as badly as I would like to be married, I want to ace an audition and get the part. So on both ends I cannot give up.
I heard this phrase once in church. We had a lesson on it:
"Anything can be overcome if you want it bad enough."
And boy do I want it. I can overcome my doubts and fears. Next time I will be confident and own it. Would Elle Woods give up?
I will never give up.
Oh girl. We need to chat. I have so much I could say.
ReplyDeleteSo in my theater class the other day my teacher said the most brilliant thing ever. He said that as actors (insert dancer/performer/singer etc) because our medium is "ourselves" we constantly put a mirror facing us. We get caught up in ourselves and we forget to give the gift we have to give. He said that we need to turn that mirror around and rather become the mirror for others to look through. We do all we can to prepare the gift the best we can, then, just like we can't prejudge whether or not someone is going to love the present we purchased for them, we just wrap it and give. You have something to give that no one else can. You just have to remember that and be willing to go there...you CAN do it!! Don't give up.