Not gonna give up!

So I went to an audition last night.

I totally failed.  I let my head get to me, got completely intimidated and just failed.  I am not sad about not getting the show, I am just frustrated with ME because I did not do my best.  I know I am a good dancer and I KNOW that I can do this.  I just wish I could believe in myself more, like how everyone else does BUT me.  

As I was leaving I felt embarrassed and dumb for even trying.  I was thinking-maybe I should get a new dream?  Maybe my mother was right when she told me I had a better chance of winning the lottery than EVER becoming a professional dancer.  

Have I set my dreams too high?  

I once dated a guy that told me I was too ambitious.  Perhaps this is true?  Maybe this is why I'm still single...

As I got home last night I was rerunning the audition in my head, thinking about everything I COULD have done to make it better.  The fact is I cannot go back.  I need to move on.  After a big piece of pumpkin pie, a chat with my roommate and some texts from my mentor, I realized that I am NOT going to give up.  I know that I have talent-people have told me so and darn it I am going to TRY and believe them!  I want this SO bad that I am not going to give up just because I've heard NO a few times.  I am sure that some of the best performers have heard NO plenty of times.  If they gave up after the 3rd time of hearing that, they would have NEVER made it to where they are today.  

Talking with my Dad today, he told me to let it go and keep going.  He said that every experience will build my character and make me stronger. I compared this audition process to dating.  If we just gave up after being rejected once, we would never get married.  So just as badly as I would like to be married, I want to ace an audition and get the part.  So on both ends I cannot give up.

I heard this phrase once in church.  We had a lesson on it:

"Anything can be overcome if you want it bad enough."

And boy do I want it.  I can overcome my doubts and fears.  Next time I will be confident and own it.  Would Elle Woods give up?  

I will never give up.

Attitude of Gratitude

As I woke up on this Thanksgiving morning I was reading President Monson's talk on Gratitude from the latest conference.  This was the perfect talk to read today.  I do have so much to be grateful for in my life that sometimes gets overlooked.  Even during difficult times we all have blessings that we can be grateful for.  President Monson reminds us to be positive and not to only see what is lacking.  

Gordon B. Hinckley said :

"When you walk with gratitude, you do not walk with arrogance and conceit and egotism, you walk with a spirit of thanksgiving that is becoming to you and will bless your lives."

I think if we all would focus on what we DO have we would be surprised on how much we have been blessed with.  The grateful person sees so much to be thankful for.  Including telling those around you how grateful you are for them.  Don't wait till its too late!

I am grateful for:

The gospel

Jesus Christ

Scriptures

My family

My friends

My jobs

My roommates

My health

Dance

Performing

Music

Frozen Yogurt

and much more...(I could get really specific)

On this day of Thanksgiving I hope we all enjoy the good food, but remember to be grateful for all the things we have been blessed with.

What are you grateful for?

xoxo

Ashley

Just say NO

I have been doing a lot of thinking lately.  I say yes to too much.  I take on too much.  I have a hard time saying NO!  (My best friend will be the FIRST person to tell you this).  Mostly because I feel that I am superwoman and I can do it all.  Well I got sick this week.  And I am learning for like the millionth time that I cannot do it all.  

Resting is a difficult thing for me.  When I take time off, I want to be doing something!  When I force myself to rest sometimes I become lazy and then start to feel extremely guilty.  

I think I need a personal assistant...anyone interested?  

Another thing that comes to mind...recently I have become SO busy that I started to feel a disconnect spiritually.  Not that I was doing anything wrong, but that I wasn't doing all the little things to keep myself spiritually connected.  After a nice conversation with a co-worker I realized that I REALLY need to make these little things a priority and everything else will fall into place.  She is right.  I always feel better when I am praying everyday and reading my scriptures everyday.  Lately those things have sort of taken a backseat and I definitely see a difference.  

It is time to change.  Again. 

But isn't that what life is about?  Constantly self-evaluating to see what needs to change?  

I think so.  I think it is totally healthy and normal. 

Now pray with me so that I can get to feeling better :)

xoxo

Ash

Who am I to judge another?

So today in church we had a lesson on being less judgemental of one another (The talk-"Charity Never Faileth").  I feel so grateful to have had this lesson today because it has been something that's been on my mind.  These words from a hymn have been ringing in my ears:

Who am I to judge another

When I walk imperfectly

In the quiet heart is hidden

Sorrow that the eye can't see

Who am I to judge another

Lord, I would follow thee

I have sung this hymn many times and this verse ALWAYS stands out to me.  But I never really thought about what it meant.  I understand the obvious, who am I to judge someone else when I am imperfect myself!  But in the quiet heart is hidden, sorrow that the eye can't see.  

We don't always know other people's situations and what they are going through.  We know what we see on the outside but sometimes have NO IDEA what is happening on the inside.  So we have no right to judge them.  

Mother Teresa said "If you judge people, you have no time to love them."

We should take the time to love others rather than judge them.  Everyone needs and deserves love.  I admit that at times I have judged someone else unfairly.  At that moment I just lost the opportunity to make a new friend or to uplift someone else who may have needed it.  No one is perfect, we are all merely trying and doing our best.  But what a better world it would be if we were just more accepting and loving of one another!  I know what it feels like to be judged and it is not fun.  I still sometimes feel like I am being judged unfairly and wish that people would just give me a chance.  

Because sometimes in my quiet heart, sorrow is hidden. 

So let us love one another.

xoxo

Ash